Author’s practical guidance
Touched out
Being climbed on, leaned on, pulled at and slept on for fourteen hours produces a physical state, not a mood.
Say this now
“I need my body to myself for a few minutes. I'll come and find you.”
Name the need, promise the return, keep the promise.
“Let's sit next to each other instead of on top of each other.”
Offers closeness in a form you can survive.
Do this
- Say it early, at the point of irritation rather than the point of shouting.
- Give it a shape they can hold: "until the timer beeps," "until I finish this cup."
- Offer a substitute: a hand, a foot, a cushion between you.
- Take the ten minutes with nothing in your hands. No phone, no tidying.
- Hand over to the other adult with words, not with a sigh.
Avoid this
- Pushing the child away without words — they read rejection, not need.
- "Get off me!" said sharply, then guilt, then more contact than you can manage.
- Waiting until you cannot bear it before saying anything at all.
If it repeats
Being touched out is a resource problem, not a patience problem. It improves with sleep and with breaks and with nothing else. If there is no other adult to hand to, the honest answer is that this needs solving structurally — a daycare morning, a swap with a friend — rather than endured.
Why the book suggests this
Being climbed on, leaned on, pulled at and slept on for fourteen hours produces a physical state, not a mood. Sensory overload from touch is well described in caregivers, and it shows up as irritation that seems to come from nowhere and lands on the smallest request.
What makes it confusing is that you love the person doing the touching. Wanting your child off you for ten minutes is not a failure of love. It is a body asking for the same thing any body asks for after fourteen hours of anything.
From this collection
Same Words: Every Grown-Up
45 prepared situations in this family area.