Author’s practical guidance
A perfect family on your phone at eleven at night
Source named in the book: social comparison research (Festinger) · AAP guidance on media use
A feed is built to hold attention, which means it selects for whatever produces the strongest reaction.
Say this now
(to yourself) "This is an edit, and I'm watching it at the worst hour."
Two facts, both true, and neither one requires arguing with the image.
(to yourself) "Would I follow this if a friend showed it to me at three in the afternoon?"
Usually no. That is the useful answer.
Do this
- Unfollow the accounts that reliably make it worse. Loyalty is not owed to a feed.
- Put the boundary on the hour, not the app: nothing after eleven.
- Follow at least one account that shows the mess.
- Replace it, don't just remove it — a book, a podcast, anything with an ending.
- Notice that the feeling passes by morning. It always does.
Avoid this
- Comparing your Tuesday to somebody's edit.
- Posting your own edit to feel better — it works for an hour and adds to the problem.
- Following accounts that make you feel worse out of loyalty.
If it repeats
If the scrolling is what you do instead of sleeping, the sleep is the thing to fix first. Almost every parenting feeling improves with an extra hour, and none of them improve at midnight.
Why the book suggests this
A feed is built to hold attention, which means it selects for whatever produces the strongest reaction. A tidy kitchen and a smiling three-year-old at bath time produce a reaction in you, so you are shown more of them.
What you are looking at is not other people's lives. It is a selection of moments, chosen by them and then chosen again by a machine — and you are watching it in the state where your judgment is at its worst.
From this collection
Same Words: Every Grown-Up
45 prepared situations in this family area.