Author’s practical guidance
Briefing a sitter or a grandparent in five minutes
Source named in the book: Positive Discipline (Nelsen) · coparenting research (Feinberg)
The instinct is to explain everything, and the result is that nothing is remembered.
Say this now
“Three things: bed at seven, no screens after six, and if she cries at the door, call me.”
Three, said as a list, and then stop talking.
“Whatever else happens is fine.”
Gives them permission — which makes them more likely to follow the three that matter.
Do this
- Write the three things down and leave them on the counter.
- Include what to do when something goes wrong, not only what to do when it goes well.
- Say the exact words you use for the one thing that always happens.
- Show the physical things — where the spare pajamas are — rather than describing them.
- Don't text every twenty minutes.
Avoid this
- A two-page list of preferences.
- Explaining the philosophy instead of the sequence.
- Leaving without saying what to do when it goes wrong.
If it repeats
If the same instruction keeps not landing, it is probably the fourth thing on your list. Cut back to three and see whether it survives. Everybody's memory is about the same size.
Why the book suggests this
The instinct is to explain everything, and the result is that nothing is remembered. Five minutes at the door with a coat on holds about three things, and the three you choose decide how the evening goes.
It is also the moment at which most of what goes wrong later is decided. Almost every "they did it completely differently" story starts with a briefing that covered the wrong things.
From this collection
Same Words: Every Grown-Up
45 prepared situations in this family area.