Author’s practical guidance
Another child hurt yours
Source named in the book: PCIT · Positive Discipline (Nelsen)
The reaction is instant and physical, and much larger than the situation usually warrants.
Say this now
(to your child, first) "That hurt. I've got you."
Comfort before anything else. The rest can wait ninety seconds.
(to the other parent) "He's okay. Can we keep them apart for a bit?"
A practical request rather than a judgment. It is almost always agreed to.
Do this
- Pick your child up and turn away from the scene.
- Let the other parent handle their own child, however badly they do it.
- Separate the children physically rather than negotiating.
- Skip the apology. It changes nothing for a two-year-old on either side.
- Tell your child what happens next, so the place stops feeling unsafe.
Avoid this
- Telling the other child off directly.
- Demanding an apology from a two-year-old, or from their parent.
- Saying "it's fine" while your face says otherwise. Children believe the face.
If it repeats
If the same child is involved repeatedly and the adults are not stepping in, stop attending that group. That is not a defeat — supervising two families is not a job anybody can do.
Why the book suggests this
The reaction is instant and physical, and much larger than the situation usually warrants. That is not a flaw. It is the same system that makes you notice a car reversing, and it does not distinguish between a scratch and a threat.
The difficulty is that you now have to run two processes at once: comfort your child, and manage an adult who may be defensive, absent, or apologizing at length. The second one is where most of the damage gets done.
From this collection
Same Words: Every Grown-Up
45 prepared situations in this family area.