Author’s practical guidance
The lovey that is always at the other house
Source named in the book: transitional objects (Winnicott)
The comfort object is not a toy with sentimental value.
Say this now
“Rabbit is at Dad's. He comes back Thursday.”
Where it is, and when. Both, every time.
“Let's pick who sleeps here tonight.”
A choice, not a replacement.
Do this
- Make the object travel in the bag every single time, without exception.
- Agree it with the other parent once as a rule, not as a weekly favor.
- Let them choose a second-best that lives at your house and is theirs.
- Photograph it if the object is ever genuinely stuck.
- Say where it is before bedtime, not at it.
Avoid this
- "You're getting a bit big for that." The age it stops mattering is not this one.
- Buying an identical one and swapping it in. They know, and now they know you swap things.
- "Ask Daddy to bring it." Makes the child responsible for the logistics.
If it repeats
If it keeps getting left behind, the bag is the problem, not the child. Pack it last, in front of them, so they see it go in. Most families solve this once and then never think about it again.
Why the book suggests this
The comfort object is not a toy with sentimental value. It is the thing a small child uses to hold themselves steady when the adult is not in the room, and it does that job by being always available. A schedule that puts it four days out of reach removes it at precisely the moments it exists for.
This is not the same as losing it or breaking it. Nothing has happened to the rabbit. It is simply somewhere else until Thursday, and a three-year-old has no way to make that fact useful.
Related prepared situations
What happened next?
From this collection
Same Words: Two Homes
45 prepared situations in this family area.