Author’s practical guidance
The same question, every single week
Source named in the book: AAP guidance on separation and divorce
Pediatric guidance on separation describes repeated questioning as ordinary in this age group and expects it to run for months.
Say this now
“You can ask me as many times as you want.”
Removes the fear that the question runs out.
“Same answer as last time. Dad's house on Saturday.”
Confirms it is the same, then gives it.
Do this
- Write your answer down and read it back to yourself before you improve it.
- Keep it to the same length every time, not just the same content.
- Answer at full attention even the fifth time.
- Use a calendar they can touch so some checking happens without you.
- Expect months, not weeks.
Avoid this
- "We've been through this." Teaches them the question has a limit.
- A longer answer this time because the short one clearly did not work.
- Sighing before you answer. The sigh is the part they will remember.
If it repeats
The questions usually thin out once a full cycle has repeated several times without surprises. If they are increasing rather than fading after several months, the last block of this book covers what that can mean.
Why the book suggests this
Pediatric guidance on separation describes repeated questioning as ordinary in this age group and expects it to run for months. A small child does not store an answer the first time. They store it after hearing the same words in enough different moods to trust that the words are not weather.
The pressure to improve the answer is what breaks it. A slightly better version each week reads to a four-year-old as a different answer, and different answers are exactly what they are testing for.
Related prepared situations
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Same Words: Two Homes
45 prepared situations in this family area.