Author’s practical guidance
Screens and sweets at the weekend house
Source named in the book: work with separated parents (Pruett)
Work with separated parents describes a pattern that is almost structural rather than personal: the parent with less time uses it for the things a child says yes to.
Say this now
“Weekends there are different. Here we do it this way.”
No verdict on either house.
“Sounds like you had a good time.”
Hard to say, and it takes the loyalty problem away.
Do this
- Keep your own limits steady rather than loosening or tightening in response.
- Raise it once, calmly, in writing, and only if it affects sleep or health.
- Do not compete by adding treats at your house.
- Give the transition day fewer demands rather than more rules.
- Let the small stuff go entirely.
Avoid this
- "You're not their parent, you're their friend." The sentence that ends every chance of change.
- Matching it at your house so you are not the boring one.
- Quizzing them on Sunday about what they watched and ate.
If it repeats
This often settles on its own as the arrangement gets older and the weekend stops feeling like a visit. If it does not, pick the one thing that genuinely matters and agree only that, rather than proposing a shared list.
Why the book suggests this
Work with separated parents describes a pattern that is almost structural rather than personal: the parent with less time uses it for the things a child says yes to. It is not usually a position on screens. It is two days trying to hold what seven days used to.
Which means arguing about the screens misses what is driving them. The thing that reduces this is more ordinary time, not better rules, and that is a slower fix than most parents want.
Related prepared situations
What happened next?
From this collection
Same Words: Two Homes
45 prepared situations in this family area.