Author’s practical guidance
A new baby at the other house
Source named in the book: research on adjustment to a new sibling (Volling)
Research on how children adjust to a new sibling describes them watching the whole thing happen: the belly, the preparation, the homecoming.
Say this now
“There's a baby there now. That's a big change.”
The fact and its size, with no feeling attached.
“You can like it, hate it or both. All fine here.”
Gives them the full range, in your house.
Do this
- Say something neutral about the baby before they have to ask what you think.
- Do not ask how the weekend was with the baby in the question.
- Keep your own time with them unchanged — same routines, same amount.
- Let them say ugly things about it at your house without correction.
- Never pass their reaction on to the other house.
Avoid this
- "Aren't you excited?" Prescribes the feeling before they have one.
- "You'll still be his favorite." Introduces a competition that was not there.
- Asking how much attention the baby gets. They will answer, and then they will worry.
If it repeats
Expect this to take months and to arrive in waves rather than steadily. A child who says nothing about a new baby at the other house is not necessarily fine with it, and the questions in block A apply here as well.
Why the book suggests this
Research on how children adjust to a new sibling describes them watching the whole thing happen: the belly, the preparation, the homecoming. Your child gets none of that. They arrive on a Friday and a baby is there, in a house they only partly know.
So the usual advice about preparing a child does not apply, because you are not the one who can prepare them and the adjustment happens where you cannot see it. What you can offer is the part they do at your house: somewhere to put it down.
Related prepared situations
What happened next?
From this collection
Same Words: Two Homes
45 prepared situations in this family area.