Author’s practical guidance
"Five more minutes" said to someone who cannot read a clock
Source named in the book: executive function in early childhood (Diamond)
Five minutes is not a quantity to a three-year-old.
Say this now
“When this song finishes, it goes off.”
Anchored to something they can hear coming.
“One more, then off. Which one?”
The choice is inside the ending, not about it.
Do this
- Anchor the warning to something they can see or hear ending, not to a number of minutes.
- Give one warning, not three. Repeated countdowns stop carrying information.
- Say it standing next to them, not from the kitchen. They have to hear it.
- Use the same anchor daily.
- Follow the warning with the ending every time, or the next warning means nothing at all.
Avoid this
- "Five more minutes" with nothing to see it by. A number they cannot picture is not a warning.
- Warning, then extending because it went badly. The warning becomes the start of the bargaining.
- Counting down repeatedly. Four warnings are noise. One is information.
If it repeats
If the warning reliably produces a fight, try moving it closer to the ending rather than further away. A long warning gives a small child a long time to dread it, and dread is what the fight is made of.
Why the book suggests this
Five minutes is not a quantity to a three-year-old. It is a word adults say when something is about to be taken away. They cannot hold a stretch of time in mind and watch it shrink, so the warning gives them nothing to do except wait for the bad thing.
Holding a future endpoint in mind while staying with what you are doing is exactly the executive machinery that is still being built at this age. Give them something visible instead and the same warning starts working, because now it is an event they can watch approach rather than a number they have to imagine.
Related prepared situations
What happened next?
From this collection
Same Words: Every Screen
45 prepared situations in this family area.