Author’s practical guidance
They refuse to hand the screen back
Book title: Handing it back to you as the thing they do
Source named in the book: RIE (Gerber)
There is a difference between a screen being taken and a screen being given back, and small children feel it exactly.
Say this now
“It's finished. You press the button.”
The ending is not up to them. The doing is.
“Put it on the shelf. It waits there till tomorrow.”
Gives the object somewhere to go, and a next time.
Do this
- Let them press it off themselves, every time, even when you are late.
- Give the device a place they put it, so the ending has a physical last step.
- Tell them first, then wait, rather than reaching while you are still talking.
- Do it the same way daily.
- Do it for them without comment on the days they cannot. The routine survives one evening.
Avoid this
- Taking it out of their hands. The grab is what they will remember, not the rule.
- Pressing the button yourself while they watch. There was a job there and you did it.
- "Give it to me" with your hand already out. A demand, not an invitation.
If it repeats
If they will not hand it over, put your hand out and wait rather than taking it. The waiting is what makes it a handover. Most children give it up within a minute, and the minute is cheaper than the grab.
Why the book suggests this
There is a difference between a screen being taken and a screen being given back, and small children feel it exactly. In the first, something is done to them. In the second, they do something, and the doing is what makes the ending survivable.
A child who is told what is about to happen and then genuinely allowed to take part in it will cooperate with far more than adults expect. This costs nothing and takes about four seconds, and it turns the last moment of the slot from a removal into a job.
Related prepared situations
What happened next?
From this collection
Same Words: Every Screen
45 prepared situations in this family area.