Author’s practical guidance
The call with grandma, and why it is not a show
Source named in the book: research on video chat and early learning (Troseth)
A live call is a different thing from a recorded one, and the difference is not sentimental.
Say this now
“Show Grandma your truck.”
Gives them something to do. Talking follows an object.
“You can go and come back.”
A three-year-old on a call needs to be allowed to leave.
Do this
- Ask the adult to respond to what the child does rather than performing at them.
- Keep calls short and frequent instead of long and occasional.
- Put the screen down at their height so they are not being held up to it.
- Let them wander off and return.
- Have something to show ready beforehand — an object carries a call at this age.
Avoid this
- Counting it against the daily allowance. It is not the same activity and it is not competing.
- Holding the screen while they perform to it. Then it is a show with a relative in it.
- "Say hello. Say hello. Say hello to Grandma." Pressure is what makes small children go silent.
If it repeats
If they will not engage at all, stop treating it as a conversation. Play something across the screen instead, or have the adult read a book down the line. Small children do far better with an activity than with being asked how their day was.
Why the book suggests this
A live call is a different thing from a recorded one, and the difference is not sentimental. The person on the other end answers what your child actually did. They pause when the child pauses and they respond to this particular three-year-old rather than to nobody in particular.
That responsiveness is what small children need in order to get anything out of a screen at all. It is the reason a call is treated as an exception in nearly every set of guidance ever written on this, while a recording of the same grandmother saying the same words would not be.
Related prepared situations
What happened next?
From this collection
Same Words: Every Screen
45 prepared situations in this family area.