Author’s practical guidance
They said something and you were mid-message
Source named in the book: research on parent device use and interruption (McDaniel)
You heard the words and you answered with a sound rather than a reply.
Say this now
“Wait. I'm finishing this, then I'm listening.”
Honest and bounded, and it is a real answer.
“Say that again. I missed it.”
Repair. It costs four seconds and it works.
Do this
- Look up before you answer rather than answering into the screen.
- Say wait instead of pretending to listen, then come back and actually do it.
- Ask them to repeat it when you missed it, instead of guessing at a reply.
- Put it down for the answer.
- Repair afterwards when you got it wrong. That is the part that counts.
Avoid this
- Answering with a noise while still reading. They can tell, and it costs more than saying wait.
- "In a minute" said four times. The fourth one means nothing.
- Feeling terrible and resolving to never do it again. You will. Aim at answering, not at abstinence.
If it repeats
If this is most of your day, look at when rather than how much. Two protected stretches with nothing in your hand do more than a vague intention to use it less, and they are something you can actually keep.
Why the book suggests this
You heard the words and you answered with a sound rather than a reply. Your child noticed, because at three they are reading your face more closely than your sentences, and a face pointed at something else reads as gone.
There is a growing body of work on what happens when a parent's device interrupts an exchange with a small child. It reports an association rather than a cause, and the honest version is that the two go together and nobody has established which drives which. What survives either way is narrow and useful: the moment they spoke to you was a bid, and it either got answered or it did not.
Related prepared situations
What happened next?
From this collection
Same Words: Every Screen
45 prepared situations in this family area.