Author’s practical guidance
"I'm bored" four minutes after it goes off
Source named in the book: research on young children and mobile device use (Radesky)
The room is slower than what was just in front of them.
Say this now
“Boring is all right. Something will come.”
Permission to be bored, which is what they need.
“I'm not going to think of it for you.”
Warm, not cold, said while staying in the room.
Do this
- Wait ten minutes before offering anything, even while they complain.
- Stay nearby without directing — presence helps, suggestions do not.
- Put one thing out rather than proposing an activity, if you must do something.
- Expect it after every slot.
- Do nothing on the days you can afford it. That is when they start on their own.
Avoid this
- Producing an activity within thirty seconds. You have just taken the useful bit.
- "You have a whole room full of toys." True and unhelpful. They know.
- Putting it back on to end the complaining. The complaining is the crossing, not a failure.
If it repeats
If they cannot start anything at all without you, give it two weeks of unfilled afternoons before you conclude anything. Starting is a habit that comes back, and it comes back slowly and unimpressively.
Why the book suggests this
The room is slower than what was just in front of them. A screen supplies something to attend to without the child having to produce it, and a carpet with some blocks on it does not. Four minutes later the complaint arrives, and it is accurate.
Tolerating unfilled time is something a child has to practice, and a screen reliably removes the need to — that is the point the work on young children and devices keeps returning to. Boredom is the flat patch before a child starts something. The adult who fills it every time takes away the part where the child would have had to think of something.
Related prepared situations
What happened next?
From this collection
Same Words: Every Screen
45 prepared situations in this family area.