Author’s practical guidance
Less talking and conversation throughout the day
Book title: The words that did not get said today
Source named in the book: research on early language and conversational turns (Hirsh-Pasek)
An hour of watching is not an hour of harm.
Say this now
“Tell me about that.”
Four words that hand them the turn.
“Really? And then?”
Keeps a small child going far longer than a question does.
Do this
- Count exchanges, not minutes, when you are trying to judge a day.
- Protect one talking slot — the meal or the bath — and let the rest be what it is.
- Answer what they said rather than the topic, which is what makes it a turn.
- Leave gaps for them to fill.
- Stop worrying about the hour on a day that was full of talk. It genuinely does not matter.
Avoid this
- Counting screen hours and stopping there. The number does not tell you what was displaced.
- Talking at them to compensate. A monologue is not an exchange.
- Assuming a talkative show is talking to them. Nothing on it waits for their answer.
If it repeats
If the days are thin because you are on your own with them and exhausted, the answer is not more effort at talking. Pick the one slot you can hold and protect that. One reliable stretch beats a good intention spread thin.
Why the book suggests this
An hour of watching is not an hour of harm. It is an hour that was not something else, and at this age the something else is usually talking. Not talking at them — the back-and-forth kind, where they say a thing and somebody answers the thing they actually said.
The count of those exchanges across a day is one of the stronger predictors of early language there is, and it is the measure worth watching rather than the hours. A quiet hour of watching costs you nothing if the rest of the day is full of them. It costs a great deal if the day is already thin.
From this collection
Same Words: Every Screen
45 prepared situations in this family area.