Author’s practical guidance
Scary tantrums — when to seek help
Source named in the book: AAP guidance on tantrums and breath-holding spells
Some children hold their breath until they go limp or blue.
Do this
- Breath-holding spell: stay calm, lay the child on their side, wait. Breathing restarts on its own within seconds.
- Write down the date and the length and what came just before. Three entries tell a doctor more than an hour of description.
- Mention it at the next routine visit even if it has stopped by then.
Avoid this
- Panic visibly — your face is the child's information about how dangerous this is.
- Start granting everything to prevent episodes — that turns a reflex into a tool.
- Look for a diagnosis on a forum at two in the morning.
If it repeats
Asking a professional is not failing. It is the same parenting skill as everything else in this book: noticing a pattern and finding the right tool for it.
Why the book suggests this
Some children hold their breath until they go limp or blue. Some vomit at the peak of a tantrum. Both are frightening to watch, and both are usually still within normal range between one and four. A breath-holding spell is a reflex, not a decision — the child can neither start nor stop it on purpose.
Knowing that does not make it less alarming. What it does is separate two questions that tend to get tangled: is this normal, and is this a lot? The list opposite is for the second one.
From this collection
Same Words: Both Parents
45 prepared situations in this family area.