Author’s practical guidance
Leaving grandma's or ending a playdate
Source named in the book: RIE (Gerber) · Emotion coaching (Gottman)
Leaving a place is one thing.
Say this now
“Two more minutes, then we say bye. I'll help you.”
The offer of help is the part that lands, not the countdown.
“You love it here. We'll come back — let's take a picture to remember today.”
A photograph gives a child something to hold when later is too abstract.
Do this
- Warn early, then once more at the very end.
- Give the goodbye a job: hand out hugs, turn off the light, carry the bag.
- Leave while things are still good, not after the last drop is squeezed out.
- Let the host do the ritual too — the same words at every visit.
- Expect the collapse in the car and plan for it rather than against it.
Avoid this
- "Say goodbye nicely!" — social pressure at the hardest moment of the visit.
- Sneaking out to avoid the scene — they notice, and next time they watch you instead of playing.
- Staying one more hour because things are going well.
If it repeats
Book shorter visits. A great ninety minutes is worth more than three hours that end in a meltdown for everyone — and grandparents remember the ending more clearly than the middle.
Why the book suggests this
Leaving a place is one thing. Leaving people is another, and children feel the difference. A goodbye means losing the person, not just the location, and "we'll see her on Sunday" names a day that does not exist for them yet.
There is a timing trap here too. The end of a visit usually arrives after a child is already tired, already overstimulated and already at the bottom of their reserves. The goodbye then gets blamed for a collapse that was coming anyway.
From this collection
Same Words: Both Parents
45 prepared situations in this family area.