Author’s practical guidance
Running off — won't hold hands
Source named in the book: AAP safety guidance · Positive Discipline (Nelsen)
This is the one situation in this book where the stakes are not your nerves.
Say this now
“In the parking lot, you hold my hand or the stroller. You choose.”
Both options are safe. The choice is real, the rule is not negotiable.
“Hand or carried.”
Said once, then acted on within two seconds. Enforcement is the whole message.
Do this
- State the rule before the doors open, not after they are out.
- Give a physical alternative if hands are unbearable: a stroller handle, a strap on your bag, a wrist link.
- Act immediately when they break away. Pick them up. Explain later, never during.
- Practice on quiet pavements where you can be calm about it.
- Keep the rule identical every time — exceptions are what a child remembers.
Avoid this
- "You'll get run over!" — a threat too abstract to picture, and terrifying without being useful.
- Chasing and laughing the first time. Running away becomes a game in one repetition.
- Negotiating the rule at the curb while cars are moving.
If it repeats
If a child bolts routinely and does not stop when called, treat it as a safety plan rather than a discipline problem: reins, a buckled seat in the cart, or simply not crossing parking lots on foot at this age. Nobody hands out prizes for doing it the hard way.
Why the book suggests this
This is the one situation in this book where the stakes are not your nerves. A child who breaks away in a parking lot is not testing a limit; they have seen something interesting, and the habit of checking for traffic first is not there yet.
That habit arrives late — well past five. Until it does, safety belongs to you, not to their judgment, and the rule has to be one you enforce rather than one you explain.
From this collection
Same Words: Both Parents
45 prepared situations in this family area.