Author’s practical guidance
Independent play
Source named in the book: RIE (Gerber) · Montessori
Playing alone is a skill, not a personality trait, and it is learned like any other: in small doses, with an adult nearby, extended gradually.
Say this now
“I'm going to sit here and drink my coffee. You build.”
Presence without participation. The most useful sentence on this page.
“You keep going. I'll be back after I hang the washing.”
Announce the leaving and the return, and keep it short enough to be true.
Do this
- Play with them for three minutes first, then withdraw slowly.
- Stay in the room before you leave it.
- Don't narrate or direct their play from the sofa.
- Fewer toys, more floor. Children play longer with less.
- Come back before they call you, at least at first.
Avoid this
- Leaving the room the moment they settle — they learn that settling makes you disappear.
- "Go and play!" as an instruction rather than an invitation.
- Rotating in a new toy every time they slow down.
If it repeats
Roughly five minutes at two, ten to fifteen at three, half an hour at four or five — with somebody in the house and usually in earshot. Playing alone in an empty room is a much later skill than most parents expect.
Why the book suggests this
Playing alone is a skill, not a personality trait, and it is learned like any other: in small doses, with an adult nearby, extended gradually. A child who cannot play alone for four minutes has usually never had a four-minute stretch that ended well.
It also depends on how the play starts. Children who are joined for a few minutes and then left play for longer than children who are set up and abandoned.
From this collection
Same Words: Big Skills
45 prepared situations in this family area.