Same Words book
Big Skills
Calm, independence, focus, communication, effort and adapting to change.
View the book on Amazon ↗45 prepared situations
From frustration to another tryBig Skills · Calm and recoveryThe tower falls, the shoe will not go on, the lid will not click.→Fear of making mistakesBig Skills · Calm and recoverySome children stop trying things they cannot already do.→Fear of the new or unfamiliarBig Skills · Calm and recoveryA new room, a new person, a birthday party in a hall.→Naming complex emotionsBig Skills · Calm and recoveryA two-year-old has about three categories: good, bad, and mad.→Learning to loseBig Skills · Calm and recoveryLosing a game at three is not a small disappointment.→The wrong-color cupBig Skills · Calm and recoveryThe blue cup was in the dishwasher, so you gave the green one, and the day ended.→"Do it for me!" when they canBig Skills · IndependenceA child who put their own shoes on last week now holds them out and says "you do it." The skill did not disappear.→Micro-choices that build autonomyBig Skills · IndependenceAlmost nothing in a small child's day is chosen by them.→Self-care without endless remindersBig Skills · IndependenceYou have said shoes four times.→Independent playBig Skills · IndependencePlaying alone is a skill, not a personality trait, and it is learned like any other: in small doses, with an adult nearby, extended gradually.→Household jobs without bribingBig Skills · IndependenceToddlers want to help.→Doing it badly and being allowed toBig Skills · IndependenceThe shirt is inside out, the water went on the floor, the sandwich is cut wrong.→Following two- and three-step instructionsBig Skills · Focus and self-control"Put your shoes on and get your bag" is two instructions, and by the time the second arrives the first has usually displaced it.→Completing what was startedBig Skills · Focus and self-controlHalf-built towers, abandoned drawings, a puzzle with four pieces in.→Stop-and-think in playBig Skills · Focus and self-controlThe hand moves before the thought does.→Protecting deep concentrationBig Skills · Focus and self-controlA three-year-old lining up bottle caps for eleven minutes is doing something rare and valuable.→"First this, then that"Big Skills · Focus and self-controlThe word "then" only works if "then" has a history of arriving.→Starting something that looks too hardBig Skills · Focus and self-controlThey look at the puzzle, say "I can't," and walk away before touching it.→Defending what is theirs without hittingBig Skills · With other childrenA child whose tower is being knocked down has two routes available: hands, or words.→Joining a game already in progressBig Skills · With other childrenThree children are building.→Letting them solve the small stuffBig Skills · With other childrenTwo children, one shovel, rising volume.→Being glad about somebody else's winBig Skills · With other childrenAnother child gets the bigger piece, wins the race, is picked first.→Personal space, theirs and other people'sBig Skills · With other childrenSmall children stand too close, hug strangers, climb on visitors and push their face into another child's face.→Noticing that somebody else is sadBig Skills · With other childrenVery young children help.→Praise for effort, not talentBig Skills · Effort and mistakesThe tower stands, the shoes are on, the drawing is finished.→The power of "yet"Big Skills · Effort and mistakes"I can't ride it." "I can't write my name." Said flatly, as a fact about the world.→Handling feedback on mistakesBig Skills · Effort and mistakesYou point out that the letter is backwards and the whole page is torn up.→Keeping a promise they madeBig Skills · Effort and mistakes"I'll put them away after, I promise." The promise is sincere at the moment it is made and it is made by a child who cannot yet picture themselves in twenty minutes.→Being watched: showing and performingBig Skills · Effort and mistakesThey sang it perfectly for a week and go silent in front of Grandma.→Saying "no" respectfullyBig Skills · Talking and being heardA child who is never allowed to refuse anything learns one of two things: comply, or scream.→Asking for help instead of screamingBig Skills · Talking and being heardThe scream arrives in half a second.→Natural gratitude without forced mannersBig Skills · Talking and being heard"What do you say?" produces the word and nothing behind it.→Handling tall tales and early "lying"Big Skills · Talking and being heard"A tiger came in the garden." "I didn't touch it" — with chocolate on their face.→Answering endless questions curiosity-firstBig Skills · Talking and being heardWhy is the sky blue, why is that man old, why, why, why.→Sudden change of plansBig Skills · Change and the unfamiliarThe pool is closed.→Loss or damage of a favorite objectBig Skills · Change and the unfamiliarThe bear is lost, the blanket is torn, the small plastic dog went down a drain.→Navigating boredomBig Skills · Change and the unfamiliar"I'm bored" arrives in a room containing everything a person could possibly need.→Safe risk-takingBig Skills · Change and the unfamiliarChildren climb higher than you want, jump off things, go fast downhill and wrestle.→Carrying something breakableBig Skills · Change and the unfamiliarHanding a three-year-old a glass jug is uncomfortable, which is exactly what makes it useful.→Bedtime reflection: three good thingsBig Skills · In calm momentsA small child's day arrives in pieces and does not automatically become a story.→Everyday self-control micro-gamesBig Skills · In calm momentsSelf-control is not built in the moments when it is needed.→Role-playing hard situations with toysBig Skills · In calm momentsPlay is where children work on things that were too big when they happened.→Family rules and visual chartsBig Skills · In calm momentsA rule that lives only in an adult's head has to be enforced by that adult, every time, in the moment, usually while tired.→Weekly progress reflectionBig Skills · In calm momentsDays do not show change.→Listening to body signalsBig Skills · In calm momentsHungry, tired, needing the toilet, too hot — these are signals a small child feels clearly and cannot yet identify.→