Same Words book
Their Own Body
Body words, privacy, consent, necessary care and protective language.
View the book on Amazon ↗45 situations covered in this book
No word for it but "down there"Their Own Body · Words for the bodyA child refers to a private body part only as something somewhere down there. The conversation reaches a gap in their everyday vocabulary, where pointing or a vague phrase is doing all the work.→Shouts the funny word for it in the supermarketTheir Own Body · Words for the bodyIn the middle of the supermarket, a child loudly uses the funny word they know for a body part. A private family expression suddenly carries across a public aisle, within hearing of strangers nearby.→"Why is his different from mine?"Their Own Body · Words for the bodyA child notices that another person's body looks different from their own and asks about it directly. The question brings anatomy, curiosity, and comparison into an ordinary shared moment.→Everything comes off — with guests in the house, or at the parkTheir Own Body · Words for the bodyThe child takes off every piece of clothing while guests are present or during time at the park. Being unclothed feels ordinary to them in a setting adults experience as public.→Giggles or hides every time a body word comes upTheir Own Body · Words for the bodyWhenever a body word is mentioned, the child giggles, hides, or withdraws. Simple vocabulary changes the mood of the conversation before any larger subject is discussed.→My child goes stiff when a relative offers a hugTheir Own Body · Who may touchAn aunt reaches out for a hug, and the child's body becomes stiff. A familiar family greeting pauses between the adult's open arms and the child's visible reluctance.→"Give Grandma a kiss" — and everyone is watchingTheir Own Body · Who may touchA family greeting turns uncomfortable when a child is expected to offer a kiss and does not move toward it. Grandma is waiting, other people are watching, and the child's hesitation is suddenly public.→Tickling that went past funnyTheir Own Body · Who may touchTickling begins as shared laughter but continues after it stops feeling funny for the child. Play crosses an invisible point where the same touch has a different meaning.→"Stop" gets ignored in the middle of rough playTheir Own Body · Who may touchDuring rough play, a child says stop and the activity continues. Excitement, movement, and laughter make a clear boundary easy for the other person to overlook.→Someone scoops them up without askingTheir Own Body · Who may touchSomeone lifts the child without asking first. Their body leaves the ground in another person's arms before they have agreed to the contact or understood it was coming.→Hugs children who are backing awayTheir Own Body · Who may touchThe child moves in to hug another child who is backing away. One child seeks closeness while the other's body is already showing a wish for more space.→The doctor needs to look, and they have just learned to say noTheir Own Body · When someone has toA doctor needs to examine the child just as the child has learned the power of saying no. Medical care and a new sense of bodily choice meet in one room.→The shot, and whether to tell them it will hurtTheir Own Body · When someone has toA shot is coming, and the adult is deciding how plainly to describe the pain. The child faces a necessary medical moment while looking to someone they trust for information.→Washing them when they can nearly do it themselvesTheir Own Body · When someone has toThe child can almost wash independently, but still needs adult help with parts of the task. Care and growing privacy overlap in the bathroom during an everyday routine.→Somebody at daycare wipes and changes themTheir Own Body · When someone has toAt daycare, another adult wipes or changes the child. Personal care happens outside the home with someone whose role includes necessary contact with the child's body.→Held still for something that genuinely has to happenTheir Own Body · When someone has toThe child is held still for a necessary procedure or act of care. Their movement is limited by adults even though the event cannot simply be postponed or abandoned.→Will not close the bathroom doorTheir Own Body · Private and not privateThe child uses the bathroom without closing the door. A private activity remains open to the household, while the child does not experience the doorway as a needed boundary.→Walks in on you in the bathroom or the bedroomTheir Own Body · Private and not privateThe child walks into the bathroom or bedroom while an adult wants privacy. A familiar person crosses a household boundary without recognizing that this room is temporarily separate.→Hands down their pants on the living room floorTheir Own Body · Private and not privateOn the living room floor, the child puts their hands inside their pants. A private bodily action is happening in a shared family space where other people can see.→Public restrooms — who goes in, and who waits whereTheir Own Body · Private and not privateA public restroom raises practical questions about which adult and child enter together and where anyone else waits. Privacy and supervision meet in a space used by strangers.→The rules about doors are different at their cousin's houseTheir Own Body · Private and not privateAt a cousin's house, bathroom and bedroom doors follow different rules from home. The child encounters another family's version of privacy inside a familiar relationship.→You walk in on two of them playing doctorTheir Own Body · Private and not privateAn adult walks in on two children playing doctor. Curiosity about bodies has become shared play, and the scene is discovered without context or an adult present from the beginning.→A "no" that adults actually honorTheir Own Body · The words that protectA child says no to an adult, and the adult genuinely honors it. The refusal changes what happens next, making bodily choice visible inside an ordinary interaction.→Secrets and surprises are not the same thingTheir Own Body · The words that protectThe child is learning that a surprise has an ending when it is shared, while a secret may be kept hidden. Two similar ideas carry very different expectations about telling.→"Don't tell your mom" — said by someone they likeTheir Own Body · The words that protectSomeone the child likes asks them not to tell their mother. Affection and secrecy appear together, placing a trusted relationship beside a request to keep something hidden.→Who they can tell, named out loudTheir Own Body · The words that protectThe family names the people a child could tell if something happened. Familiar adults become a specific, spoken circle rather than a vague idea of finding help.→They tell you something three days after it happenedTheir Own Body · The words that protectThe child describes something three days after it happened. The event enters the family conversation later, without the immediacy or surrounding details that were present at the time.→Rehearsing the sentence on an ordinary TuesdayTheir Own Body · The words that protectOn an ordinary Tuesday, the child practices a sentence they might need in a difficult moment. The words are spoken when nothing urgent is happening and everyone is calm.→Puts both hands on a stranger's pregnant bellyTheir Own Body · Other people’s bodiesThe child places both hands on a stranger's pregnant belly. Curiosity becomes unexpected physical contact with another person's body in a public or social setting.→Grabs another child by the hair or the faceTheir Own Body · Other people’s bodiesThe child grabs another child by the hair or face. Play becomes physical at a sensitive part of the body, startling both children and the adults nearby.→Reaches for a wheelchair, a hearing aid, a service dogTheir Own Body · Other people’s bodiesThe child reaches toward a wheelchair, hearing aid, or service dog. An unfamiliar aid attracts immediate curiosity, while it remains part of another person's body, movement, or daily support.→Another child hugs yours, and yours does not want itTheir Own Body · Other people’s bodiesAnother child offers a hug, but yours does not want it. A friendly gesture and an unwanted touch arrive together, with both children expecting something different from the encounter.→Kisses the other children on the mouthTheir Own Body · Other people’s bodiesThe child kisses other children on the mouth during play or greeting. Affection is expressed physically in a way that may not match what the other children expect.→Water: the pool, the bath, the shallow end of everythingTheir Own Body · Keeping the body safeWater surrounds family life at pools, baths, and shallow edges that look easy to enter. The child's body can move quickly between play, balance, and being out of depth.→Hot: the stove, the kettle, the cup you just put downTheir Own Body · Keeping the body safeHeat is present in the stove, kettle, or freshly placed cup. Everyday kitchen objects look ordinary while holding a temperature a young child cannot see from outside.→Runs at an unfamiliar dog with both arms outTheir Own Body · Keeping the body safeThe child runs toward an unfamiliar dog with both arms open. Excitement closes the distance quickly, while the animal and its response are not yet known.→Climbing higher than you can comfortably watchTheir Own Body · Keeping the body safeThe child climbs higher than the adult can comfortably watch. Their body continues upward while excitement and the visible distance from the ground grow together.→You turn around in the store and they are goneTheir Own Body · Keeping the body safeAn adult turns around in a store and the child is no longer there. Shelves, aisles, and strangers fill the space where a familiar small person was standing moments earlier.→An unfamiliar adult asks them for helpTheir Own Body · Keeping the body safeAn unfamiliar adult asks the child for help. The request sounds directed and purposeful, yet it comes from someone outside the child's known circle of adults.→It does not stop when you redirect itTheir Own Body · When it’s more than a phaseA recurring bodily behavior continues even when attention shifts to another activity. It returns across the day rather than ending with the ordinary change in focus.→They know something about bodies nobody taught themTheir Own Body · When it’s more than a phaseThe child uses knowledge about bodies that nobody in their known circle remembers teaching. Unexpected detail enters the conversation and leaves the adults wondering where it came from.→Suddenly frightened of one particular person or placeTheir Own Body · When it’s more than a phaseThe child becomes suddenly frightened of one particular person or place. A previously ordinary encounter now brings a focused reaction that repeats around the same subject.→Toilet training goes backwards for no clear reasonTheir Own Body · When it’s more than a phaseToilet habits move backward after progress, without an obvious change explaining it. An earlier stage returns to daily life and begins appearing across familiar routines.→Soreness or marks you cannot account forTheir Own Body · When it’s more than a phaseThe child has soreness or marks that the adults cannot account for. A physical sign is present without a known fall, accident, illness, or other remembered event.→Flinches away from ordinary, everyday touchTheir Own Body · When it’s more than a phaseThe child flinches away from ordinary everyday touch. Familiar contact that once passed unnoticed now brings a quick physical withdrawal from people they regularly know.→