Author’s practical guidance
Flinches away from ordinary, everyday touch
Source named in the book: reactivity and recovery time (Rothbart)
Some children have pulled away from labels, hugs, hair-washing and sticky hands since they were babies, and always will.
Say this now
“I'll tell you before I touch you.”
Then do it, every time. Predictable beats gentle.
“You can tell me when it's too much and I'll stop.”
And stop when they do, or the sentence is worthless.
Do this
- Work out whether it is new or lifelong. That distinction is the whole page.
- Narrate before contact — dressing, washing, lifting.
- Check the physical: eczema, a healing injury, an ear infection.
- Ask daycare whether they see the same thing there.
- Raise it at the next check-up rather than waiting to be sure.
Avoid this
- Pushing through to desensitize them — it teaches that pulling away does not work.
- "He's just dramatic." Dismisses the only information you have been given.
- Comparing them to a sibling who was never like this.
TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR IF
- New in a child who was comfortable with touch.
- Specific to one person, place or kind of touch.
- It comes with changes in sleep, mood or toileting.
- It prevents dressing, bathing or medicine.
- It arrived with withdrawal from play or people.
Why the book suggests this
Some children have pulled away from labels, hugs, hair-washing and sticky hands since they were babies, and always will. Work on reactivity describes that as a threshold the child was born with — consistent across settings, across people and across years.
Which is exactly why a change in it is worth noticing. A child who was easy with touch and is now not, or who flinches from one person and nobody else, is describing something rather than being themselves.
From this collection
Same Words: Their Own Body
45 prepared situations in this family area.