Author’s practical guidance
Tickling that went past funny
Source named in the book: reactivity and recovery time (Rothbart)
Laughing while being tickled is a reflex, not an opinion.
Say this now
“You said stop, so I stopped.”
Say it out loud. They need to hear the rule work.
“Tell me when you want more, and tell me when you're done.”
On-switch and off-switch in the same hand.
Do this
- Stop on the word, every time, with no last tickle. The last tickle undoes the whole lesson.
- Agree a stop signal that works without breath — a flat hand, the word "done."
- Pause on your own every few seconds, so stopping is normal rather than a complaint.
- Watch the face, not the sound. The eyes stop laughing well before the voice does.
- Hold other adults to it, out loud, in the moment: "She said stop."
Avoid this
- "But you're laughing!" Uses the reflex as evidence against them.
- One more go after they said stop, which teaches that stop means nearly.
- "Don't be so sensitive." Names a temperament as a fault.
If it repeats
If they ask for tickling and then fall apart, they want the game and cannot judge the dose. Keep rounds short and end them yourself while it is still fun. Overshoot it and they refuse all rough play.
Why the book suggests this
Laughing while being tickled is a reflex, not an opinion. The sound keeps coming after the fun has stopped, which is exactly why tickling is the place where children most often learn that their distress is not a reason for an adult to stop.
Children differ enormously in how much of this they can take and how long they need afterwards. A child with a high reactivity threshold wants twenty more minutes. Another is over their limit in four seconds and has no way to say so while laughing.
From this collection
Same Words: Their Own Body
45 prepared situations in this family area.