Author’s practical guidance
Puts both hands on a stranger's pregnant belly
Source named in the book: the widening of sympathy (Eisenberg)
A round belly at exactly a preschooler's eye height, containing a baby they have been told about for weeks, is close to irresistible.
Say this now
“That's her tummy. We ask before we touch anyone.”
Same rule, pointed outward. Say it to both.
“You can ask her. She might say no, and that's fine.”
A possible no is what makes it a real question.
Do this
- Get the hand back and give the sentence in the same movement.
- Let them ask, and let the answer stand whichever way it goes.
- Apologize to the adult briefly and move on.
- Name the rule as the same one they already know: "Like yours. Ask first."
- Practice on the family bump at home, where a no costs nothing.
Avoid this
- "She doesn't mind!" Said on behalf of a person who has not been asked.
- Yanking the hand away with no sentence attached to it.
- "Don't be so rude" — a label, where they needed an instruction.
If it repeats
Children who touch strangers reflexively do it with hair, beards and glasses too, so use the same sentence everywhere rather than a rule about pregnancy. Expect to say it for months.
Why the book suggests this
A round belly at exactly a preschooler's eye height, containing a baby they have been told about for weeks, is close to irresistible. There is no rudeness in it. There is a fascinating object and a hand that arrives before any thought does.
It is also the clearest teaching moment this book offers, because the rule your child has been learning about their own body turns out to point outward as well. Sympathy grows out of noticing, and here the thing to notice is that the belly belongs to somebody.
From this collection
Same Words: Their Own Body
45 prepared situations in this family area.