Author’s practical guidance
No word for it but "down there"
Source named in the book: AAP guidance on healthy sexual development
The anatomical names are the ones most families skip, and the reason is almost never the child.
Say this now
That's your penis." "That's your vulva.
The voice you use for elbow. Flatness is the lesson.
“Every part of your body has a name. That one too.”
Puts it in a list, not a category of its own.
Do this
- Use the words in the bath, where they are routine and no lesson is attached to them.
- Name the outside parts only. Penis, testicles, vulva, bottom, nipples. That is the vocabulary at three.
- Answer at the length asked. A four-word question gets a four-word answer, not a talk.
- Let them say it wrong and correct it like "pasghetti."
- Tell whoever else bathes them which words you use. One word per part, in every house.
Avoid this
- "Down there." Vague in the one place where vagueness costs something.
- "We don't talk about that." Closes the subject before it opened, and they will remember that it closed.
- Dropping your voice on the word. The volume teaches more than the word does.
If it repeats
If the word will not come out of your mouth, say it aloud alone first. Start with the easy parts and add the rest inside the same week, so the difficult ones do not arrive marked.
Why the book suggests this
The anatomical names are the ones most families skip, and the reason is almost never the child. Most of us were not given the words either, so we reach for something vaguer without deciding to. It is a habit rather than a choice, which is why it is fixable.
Pediatric guidance is direct here. A child with the correct words can describe a symptom to a doctor, and can describe anything else to you. "Down there" is a tool that does not fit any of the jobs it might be needed for.
From this collection
Same Words: Their Own Body
45 prepared situations in this family area.