Author’s practical guidance
The doctor needs to look, and they have just learned to say no
Source named in the book: RIE (Gerber)
A child told all month that nobody touches their body without asking is now on a table where somebody is going to.
Say this now
“Doctors check bodies. I'm right here, and she tells you first.”
Both conditions attached. Never say the first half alone.
“You can ask her to stop and start again.”
Leaves a working brake in their hand. Usually enough.
Do this
- Say it in the waiting room, not on the table.
- Ask the doctor to narrate: most will, and it takes ten seconds.
- Stay where they can see your face, not behind them.
- Let them keep something on — socks, a sleeve, a toy in one hand.
- Repeat the rule on the way out: "Doctors, with me there. That is the only one."
Avoid this
- "Don't be silly, it's the doctor." Uses authority where the child was asking for a reason.
- "She won't touch you, I promise." A promise you cannot keep costs you the next appointment.
- Springing it in the room with no warning in the waiting area.
If it repeats
If appointments are a fight every time, ask for a short visit with nothing done — a weight, a sticker, out. And keep the exception narrow when you restate it. A vague exception is worse than none.
Why the book suggests this
A child told all month that nobody touches their body without asking is now on a table where somebody is going to. If you taught the rule well, this is where it gets tested — and a rule with no stated exception falls over the first time one arrives.
The tradition that insists on telling a child before you touch them names the exception rather than suspending the rule: a doctor may check a body, with a grown-up who loves them in the room, and the child hears what is coming first. Narrow, and the same every visit.
From this collection
Same Words: Their Own Body
45 prepared situations in this family area.