Author’s practical guidance
You walk in on two of them playing doctor
Source named in the book: the range of ordinary body behavior in young children (Friedrich)
Almost every parent meets this and almost none of them mention it to another parent, which leaves a very ordinary thing feeling like a private emergency.
Say this now
“Clothes back on. Bodies are private, even with friends.”
Instruction first, rule second, flat voice.
“Something else — go build the track.”
Ends it by replacing it. Do not dwell.
Do this
- Redirect calmly and immediately, then let the afternoon carry on normally.
- Say the rule once to both children, same words.
- Play in open rooms. Easier than watching.
- Mention it to the other parent plainly, without alarm. Most are relieved you did.
- Check the ages match. Similar age is what makes it ordinary.
Avoid this
- Shouting, or hauling them apart. Fear is what turns curiosity into something hidden.
- Interrogating them separately about who started it.
- Telling the other parent in a tone that makes it a scandal.
TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR IF
- An age gap of about three years, or in size.
- Force, bribery, threats, or a child who did not want to.
- Secrecy that continues after you have redirected it.
- Behavior that imitates adult sex, not curiosity.
- Distress, pain, or no response to redirection.
Why the book suggests this
Almost every parent meets this and almost none of them mention it to another parent, which leaves a very ordinary thing feeling like a private emergency. Research on what young children actually do puts looking and showing between children of a similar age in the common column.
What matters is the shape of it rather than the fact of it. Similar ages, both willing, giggling rather than tense, and it stops when an adult appears — that is curiosity. The shape is also what tells you when something is not curiosity, which is the second half of this page.
From this collection
Same Words: Their Own Body
45 prepared situations in this family area.