Author’s practical guidance
You turn around in the store and they are gone
Source named in the book: attachment and separation protest (Bowlby)
The first thing a lost child does is move, usually looking for you, usually in the wrong direction.
Say this now
“If you can't see me: stop, stay, shout my name.”
Three words in order, practiced until automatic.
“Then find a person with a name badge, or a mom with kids.”
A findable category. "A safe grown-up" is not one.
Do this
- Say your full name at the door. Hear it back.
- Practice the drill in an easy place before you need it in a hard one.
- Take a photo of them on arrival at fairs and beaches — clothes, in color, that day.
- Hug first when you find them, whatever you are feeling. The lesson comes later.
- Tell staff immediately. Most large stores have a procedure and will start it at once.
Avoid this
- "Don't talk to strangers" as the plan. It leaves a lost child with nobody to approach.
- Teaching them to find the exit — the exit is the one place you do not want them.
- Shouting at them afterwards out of fright. It makes hiding more likely next time.
If it repeats
A child who wanders repeatedly needs the environment changed, not another warning: the cart seat, a wrist link, fewer trips at the wrong hour. Bolting at this age is not a discipline failure.
Why the book suggests this
The first thing a lost child does is move, usually looking for you, usually in the wrong direction. Two people searching for each other in a large store is the worst possible arrangement, and it is the default one.
What attachment research would predict is exactly what happens: a frightened child seeks the caregiver and cannot think about anything else. So the plan has to be one instruction, learned in advance, that requires no thinking at all.
From this collection
Same Words: Their Own Body
45 prepared situations in this family area.