Author’s practical guidance
Handling feedback on mistakes
Source named in the book: scaffolding (Vygotsky & Bruner) · PCIT
You point out that the letter is backwards and the whole page is torn up.
Say this now
“Do you want me to show you, or do you want to keep going?”
Ask before correcting. A correction that was invited is a completely different event.
“The bottom one is exactly right.”
Point at the part that worked and stop there. They will look at the others themselves.
Do this
- Wait until they are finished. Almost nothing needs saying mid-task.
- Correct one thing, never two.
- Ask permission first, and accept no as an answer.
- Show rather than tell: do your own version alongside without touching theirs.
- Let wrong things stand when nothing depends on them being right.
Avoid this
- Correcting while they are still working. The interruption is most of the injury.
- Listing three things that could be better.
- "That's good, but…" — the but deletes the first half and they know it.
If it repeats
At three, expect most corrections to be rejected outright. By four many children will accept one if they asked for it. Taking correction from somebody other than a parent — a teacher, a coach — usually comes easier, and earlier, than taking it from you.
Why the book suggests this
You point out that the letter is backwards and the whole page is torn up. The size of the reaction is not about the letter. Being corrected means somebody was watching and found something wanting, and at four that is felt as a judgment on the whole person rather than on the stroke of a pen.
What makes a correction survivable is not softer wording. It is timing, quantity and who asked. One thing, after they finish, when they wanted to know — those three conditions do more than any phrasing.
From this collection
Same Words: Big Skills
45 prepared situations in this family area.