Author’s practical guidance
The first meeting
The first time a child sees their parent after days apart, they need the parent — not an introduction.
Say this now
“I missed you so much. Come here first.”
The word first is doing the work. It tells them the order of things has not changed.
“You can look at her whenever you want. There's no hurry.”
Removing the deadline removes the pressure. Curiosity arrives on its own once nobody is waiting for it.
Do this
- Have someone else hold the baby for the first few minutes.
- Sit down to their height and give them your hands, both of them.
- Let them ignore the baby entirely if that is what they do.
- Keep the first meeting at home if you can, rather than in a hospital room full of strangers.
- Have any gift come from you, not from the newborn — children see through a present a baby could not have chosen.
Avoid this
- Meeting them with the baby already in your arms — the one image they will keep.
- "Look who's here! Say hello to your sister!" — asks for a performance before a reunion.
- Filming the moment — and expecting the reaction the camera came for.
If it repeats
If they turn away or refuse contact for several days, keep offering without pressing. The reunion is happening on their schedule, and it does happen.
Why the book suggests this
The first time a child sees their parent after days apart, they need the parent — not an introduction. If the baby is in your arms at that moment, the child gets the news and the loss in the same second, and the news is the thing they will remember.
They have also been away from you longer than at any point in their life. Whatever they show at the door — clinging, coldness, wild silliness — is about your absence, not about the baby.
From this collection
Same Words: Two Children
45 prepared situations in this family area.