Author’s practical guidance
Going backwards
Source named in the book: adjustment to a new sibling (Volling) · AAP
A child who suddenly wants a bottle, wets the bed, or asks to be carried again is not losing skills.
Say this now
“You want the bottle. Here it is.”
No conditions, no commentary. The speed of the yes is what ends the experiment.
“Sometimes you want to be big and sometimes little. Both are fine here.”
Says the thing they are testing out loud, so they do not have to keep testing it.
Do this
- Give the requested thing without commentary or conditions.
- Handle wet sheets briskly and without a word about it.
- Offer the babyish comfort before they ask, once a day, on your own terms.
- Keep the skills they still use available — do not help them backwards further than they asked.
- Expect it to last a few weeks, not a few days.
Avoid this
- "You're too big for that now." — confirms that being big is what costs them.
- "Do you want to be a baby? Should I put you in a diaper too?" — shames a question they asked honestly.
- Treating the wet bed as a discipline problem rather than a message.
If it repeats
Regression that lasts past about two months, or that arrives together with lost speech or withdrawal from everyone, is worth a call to your pediatrician.
Why the book suggests this
A child who suddenly wants a bottle, wets the bed, or asks to be carried again is not losing skills. They are running an experiment, and the question is precise: does being a baby get better treatment here than being big?
The fastest way to end the experiment is to answer yes without argument. A child who is handed the bottle calmly usually loses interest within days. A child who has to fight for it will keep the fight going for months.
From this collection
Same Words: Two Children
45 prepared situations in this family area.