Author’s practical guidance
"Mine!"
Source named in the book: sibling intervention research (Kramer) · Gerber (RIE)
Owning things securely is what makes sharing possible.
Say this now
“That one is yours. You don't have to give it to anyone.”
The security is what eventually produces the generosity. Said early, it costs you nothing.
“You're not finished with it. He can have it when you are done.”
Puts the end of the turn inside the child rather than inside your patience.
Do this
- Sort the house out loud once: his, hers, everyone's.
- Let a genuine no stand, even when a guest or a relative is watching.
- Put away the two or three impossible items before the other child wakes up.
- Ask before you lend their things to anyone, including the baby.
- Notice voluntary giving when it happens, briefly, and then move on.
Avoid this
- "We share everything in this family." — a rule that makes ownership unsafe.
- Taking the toy from one child and handing it to the other to settle it.
- "Don't be greedy." — names the child rather than the situation.
If it repeats
A child who says mine about literally everything, including the furniture, is usually telling you their position in the house feels uncertain. That is a question about fairness and attention, not about objects.
Why the book suggests this
Owning things securely is what makes sharing possible. A child who is confident that certain objects are theirs and will stay theirs can afford to hand things over. A child whose possessions are removed on adult authority learns the opposite: hold tighter, because anything can be taken.
Mine is also newly available as a concept. Around two, children work out that objects belong to people, and they practice the idea loudly on everything within reach. That is the concept arriving, not greed arriving.
From this collection
Same Words: Two Children
45 prepared situations in this family area.