Author’s practical guidance
The shelf they cannot reach
Source named in the book: sibling intervention research (Kramer) · Montessori
Most repeating conflicts in a house with two small children are conflicts about three or four specific objects.
Say this now
“These are the ones that are only yours. They live up here, where he can't reach.”
Says the rule and the mechanism in one breath. The height is what makes the promise credible.
“Pick the four things that go on the shelf. You choose.”
The choosing is the part that matters. A shelf stocked by an adult protects the wrong objects.
Do this
- Let the older child choose what goes up there, including the odd choices.
- Keep it genuinely out of reach, not merely designated.
- Give a table, or a door that closes, for work that takes a long time.
- Revisit the list every couple of months as their interests change.
- Never use the shelf as leverage in a conversation about behavior.
Avoid this
- Solving the same argument verbally for the twentieth time.
- Putting the special things away entirely so that nobody can use them.
- Making the shelf a reward that can be lost.
If it repeats
If arguments continue over things that are not on the shelf, the list is too short. Add to it rather than defending the number.
Why the book suggests this
Most repeating conflicts in a house with two small children are conflicts about three or four specific objects. The adult tries to solve them with rules, over and over, when they could be solved once with height.
A physical solution also removes the adult from the middle of it. Nobody has to be told no, nobody has to be judged, and the older child gets somewhere their work is safe — which is the condition under which they become willing to share everything else.
From this collection
Same Words: Two Children
45 prepared situations in this family area.