Author’s practical guidance
It takes them longer to come back
Source named in the book: adaptability as a temperament dimension (Chess & Thomas)
Among the temperament dimensions Chess and Thomas tracked was adaptability — how long a child needs to adjust to something new or something over.
Say this now
“Yesterday was big. Today is a small day.”
Gives the flat day a name so it reads as a plan rather than as something being taken away.
“You don't have to be ready yet.”
Removes the deadline from recovering, which is the part that stretches it out.
Do this
- Leave the day after a big day open, and hold that line against invitations.
- Count the recovery as part of the event when you plan the week.
- Watch the second day, not the first — that is where the cost shows up.
- Say no to the third thing in a week before the week starts.
- Keep the ordinary days genuinely ordinary, so there is something to come back to.
Avoid this
- "That was yesterday!" — for them it is not finished being yesterday.
- Two big days back to back — the second one is paid for out of the first.
- "He's just being difficult now." — the same trait that made him careful is making him slow.
If it repeats
If a whole week is going sideways, count the events in it rather than looking at the last one. Three outings in seven days is a lot for a child who needs two days to land from each of them.
Why the book suggests this
Among the temperament dimensions Chess and Thomas tracked was adaptability — how long a child needs to adjust to something new or something over. It varies widely between children and it is stable enough to plan around.
A slow-adjusting child is not slow at anything else. They simply need more hours between the thing and the recovery from the thing, and those hours are not optional. Booked over, they come out of the following day instead.
From this collection
Same Words: Deep Feelings
45 prepared situations in this family area.