SAME WORDS

Author’s practical guidance

It has to be done the same way

Source named in the book: regularity as a temperament dimension (Chess & Thomas)

Regularity is one of the temperament dimensions Chess and Thomas described, and children sit at very different points on it.

Say this now

Option 1
“You like it in that order. Show me how.”

Hands the frame back to them and takes the argument out. Costs nothing and settles most of these.

Option 2
“Today it has to be different. Everything else is the same.”

When you genuinely cannot accommodate it, mark the exception and keep the rest intact.

Do this

  • Let the ritual run when it costs nothing.
  • Build in the extra two minutes rather than fighting for them.
  • Warn about changes to it as early as you can.
  • Keep the sequence stable in the parts of the day that already go badly.
  • Let them run the ritual themselves so it does not depend on you.

Avoid this

  • "Does it really matter which cup?" — yes, in the sense that matters here.
  • Deliberately changing things to build flexibility — it produces resistance, not flexibility.
  • "You're being ridiculous." — names a coping strategy as a character fault.

TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR IF

  • The rituals keep growing rather than staying the same size.
  • They are spreading into new parts of the day.
  • Interrupting one causes distress that lasts and lasts.
  • The child seems driven by them rather than helped.
  • Leaving, eating or sleeping no longer fit around them.
Why the book suggests this

Regularity is one of the temperament dimensions Chess and Thomas described, and children sit at very different points on it. A child high on it does not simply prefer the same order. They use it as the structure that makes an unpredictable day workable.

So the correction when the cup is on the wrong side is not fussiness. They are repairing the frame, and the frame is doing real work for them. Children carrying this pattern usually loosen it as language and planning grow, and pushing it away early tends to tighten it instead.

From this collection

Same Words: Deep Feelings

45 prepared situations in this family area.

Book on Amazon ↗