Author’s practical guidance
Won't come to the table, has to be carried over and buckled in
Source named in the book: Division of Responsibility (Satter)
Coming to the table means stopping something else — a toy, a show, a game in progress — and toddlers do not have an internal switch that hands control back to a parent's schedule.
Say this now
“Two more minutes, then the table.”
A warning given at the activity, not at the door.
“Come help me carry the napkins.”
Gives the walk to the table a job instead of a demand.
Do this
- Give a two-minute warning at the activity itself, not shouted from the kitchen.
- Turn off or pause whatever competes for attention before calling them.
- Let them walk to the table themselves whenever safety allows.
- Keep the same seat and the same time, most days.
- If they still won't come, start the meal without them — a meal that begins on time teaches the schedule faster than an argument does.
Avoid this
- "Dinner's ready, come now!" shouted from another room — competes with whatever already has their attention, and loses.
- Threatening to remove the toy or turn off the show as punishment — turns the walk to the table into the fight itself.
- Serving the plate and waiting in silence for them to notice — most toddlers do not notice.
If it repeats
If this happens at nearly every meal despite a consistent warning, the transition itself may be the harder problem, not this meal — worth handling with the same tools that work at bath time or bedtime.
Why the book suggests this
Coming to the table means stopping something else — a toy, a show, a game in progress — and toddlers do not have an internal switch that hands control back to a parent's schedule. Hunger is a slow, quiet signal next to the loud pull of what they are already doing.
Being carried over and buckled in also works, in its own way — it gets a reaction, a small tug-of-war, a moment of being the center of the meal before it has even started. None of that is defiance about food; it is a transition problem wearing a food costume.
From this collection
Same Words: At the Table
45 prepared situations in this family area.