Author’s practical guidance
One sibling eats almost everything, the other refuses most of it
Source named in the book: temperament differences within families (Chess & Thomas)
Two children raised in the same kitchen, offered the same food on the same schedule, can still land on completely different eating styles, because appetite and food caution track temperament more than upbringing.
Say this now
“You two eat really differently, and that's normal.”
Names the difference without ranking it.
“Everyone gets the same table. What you do with it is yours.”
States the shared rule without expecting a shared result.
Do this
- Apply the same mealtime structure to both children equally.
- Avoid comparing plates or intake out loud.
- Give each child's eating style room to be its own thing.
- Praise effort and behavior at the table, not amount eaten.
- Talk to each child separately about their experience if needed.
Avoid this
- "Why can't you eat like your brother?" — compares two different temperaments as if one were simply trying harder.
- Treating the easy eater as the standard the other should reach — turns an ordinary difference into a hierarchy.
- Assuming something must be wrong with the more cautious child — most of this range is simply normal variation.
If it repeats
If the gap is extreme and one child's diet is genuinely narrow and shrinking, that is worth a checkup regardless of the sibling — siblings are a comparison point for parents, not a diagnostic tool.
Why the book suggests this
Two children raised in the same kitchen, offered the same food on the same schedule, can still land on completely different eating styles, because appetite and food caution track temperament more than upbringing. Chess and Thomas's original research followed siblings and found eating style is one of the traits that varies most between children in the same family.
This is not evidence of anything a parent did differently for one child versus the other. It is the same reason siblings can react so differently to a loud room or a new babysitter — different temperaments meeting the same thing and responding differently.
From this collection
Same Words: At the Table
45 prepared situations in this family area.