Author’s practical guidance
A handover you cannot be in the room for
Source named in the book: work with separated parents (Pruett)
Some pairs of adults cannot stand in a doorway together yet, and the honest response is to design around it rather than to keep attempting it.
Say this now
“On Fridays Dad picks you up from daycare.”
A fact about the schedule. No reason offered.
“That's just how our week works now.”
Closes it without inviting an investigation.
Do this
- Use daycare as the switch point — the child is collected, not transferred.
- If that will not work, use a third adult both of you accept.
- Keep the arrangement in writing so nobody improvises on the day.
- Give it three months before calling it permanent.
- Never explain it as a punishment of the other parent.
Avoid this
- Trying again because it should work. Six bad doorways cost more than one new arrangement.
- Sending them out alone to dodge an awkward meeting. A safety protocol is a different thing.
- Explaining the arrangement to the child in terms of who cannot behave.
If it repeats
A neutral handover point is not an admission of anything. Many families use one for a year and then stop needing it. The measure of whether it works is the child's Friday evening, not how either adult feels about the arrangement.
Why the book suggests this
Some pairs of adults cannot stand in a doorway together yet, and the honest response is to design around it rather than to keep attempting it. Work with separated parents treats this as a practical problem with practical answers, not as a failure of goodwill by either side.
The child gains nothing from watching two people manage themselves at close range every Friday. They gain a great deal from a Friday that is the same every week and holds no adult tension at all.
Related prepared situations
What happened next?
From this collection
Same Words: Two Homes
45 prepared situations in this family area.