Author’s practical guidance
Two of everything, or one thing that travels
Source named in the book: RIE (Gerber)
Two systems work here.
Say this now
“Some things live here. Some things go with you.”
The whole system in one sentence.
“You choose two toys to take.”
A real choice inside a fixed limit.
Do this
- Duplicate the dull things: toothbrush, pajamas, coat, boots.
- Let two or three chosen things travel and keep the number the same every week.
- Write the list once and stick it inside the bag.
- Do not track ownership of anything that has crossed over.
- Let them pack the travelers themselves.
Avoid this
- Deciding at the door each time. Turns every departure into a negotiation.
- "That was bought with my money." A sentence about the adults, said in front of the child.
- Sending everything so the bag is too heavy to be their responsibility.
If it repeats
If things keep going missing, shrink the list rather than policing it. Two objects that always come back are worth more than eight that half arrive, and the argument about the missing ones lands on the child every time.
Why the book suggests this
Two systems work here. Duplicate the basics in both houses, or let a small fixed set of things travel. What fails is deciding case by case at the door every week, which is the arrangement most families reach by accident.
The approach behind RIE is worth borrowing here: the child is a participant, not luggage. They can hold the rule if the rule is simple and does not change depending on how the adults are getting along that week.
Related prepared situations
What happened next?
From this collection
Same Words: Two Homes
45 prepared situations in this family area.