Author’s practical guidance
They tell other people a version that is not true
Source named in the book: how children build explanations (Harris)
Research on how children build explanations describes them assembling a story from the pieces available and filling the gaps with whatever fits.
Say this now
“Can I tell you the rest of the story? You had some of it.”
Asks permission, which keeps them listening.
“You got some of it right. Here's the rest.”
Corrects without making them wrong.
Do this
- Listen to the whole version before you touch any part of it.
- Correct at home, later that day, never at the door.
- Fix one fact, not the whole story, and use your standard sentences.
- Ask daycare to tell you rather than to correct it themselves.
- Notice what they invented. The invented part is the gap.
Avoid this
- Correcting them in front of the other adult. Now the story is embarrassing as well as wrong.
- "That's not what happened and you know it." They do not know it. That is the whole issue.
- Letting it stand because contradicting it feels unkind.
If it repeats
A story that keeps reappearing is usually pointing at a question nobody has answered directly. Answer that question rather than the story. If the version has somebody in it as a villain, that needs handling now, not later.
Why the book suggests this
Research on how children build explanations describes them assembling a story from the pieces available and filling the gaps with whatever fits. At four, this is not lying. It is the normal machinery of understanding running on incomplete information.
The version they tell at daycare is worth listening to rather than correcting, because it is the clearest view you will get of what they currently believe. The correction can happen afterward, at home, without an audience.
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