Author’s practical guidance
Going backwards on the same days every week
Source named in the book: AAP guidance on separation and divorce
Toileting, sleep and speech going backwards during a family change is ordinary and expected.
Say this now
“Bodies do this sometimes. We'll clean up.”
No shame, no lesson, no discussion.
“Nothing about this is a problem.”
They are checking your face more than your words.
Do this
- Keep a week-by-week note of which days, for three months.
- Take the pressure off entirely rather than adding structure.
- Check whether the other house sees it too, plainly and without blame.
- Look for the days, not the count.
- Bring the note to the appointment.
Avoid this
- Toilet training again from the start. Adds pressure to the week that caused it.
- "You were doing so well." Turns a slip into a disappointment.
- Waiting to see without writing any of it down.
TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR IF
- It is spread evenly across the week rather than clustered
- It is still there after three months with no improvement
- A skill lost is one they had held for over a year
- There is pain, blood or straining involved
- Speech is going backwards rather than sleep or toileting
Why the book suggests this
Toileting, sleep and speech going backwards during a family change is ordinary and expected. Pediatric guidance treats it as a temporary loss of recently gained skills under stress, and it usually returns without anything being done about it.
What makes it worth recording rather than worrying about is the pattern across the week. A slip that arrives the night before a handover and clears by Tuesday is telling you about the transition. One that has spread evenly across every day is telling you something else.
Related prepared situations
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From this collection
Same Words: Two Homes
45 prepared situations in this family area.