Author’s practical guidance
They ask for screens all day
Book title: They ask from the moment they wake up, all day
Source named in the book: Positive Discipline (Nelsen)
They start asking early and keep checking throughout the day.
Say this now
“Screen time is after dinner. Not now.”
Names when. A fixed point is easier to wait for than a no.
“You already asked. The answer is the same.”
Closes it without a new argument to push against.
Do this
- Pick the time and keep it, the same slot every day, so there is nothing to negotiate.
- Answer the second ask in the same words as the first. Rewording sounds like movement.
- Stop explaining after the first time. More reasons read as an opening.
- Say what they can do now instead.
- Expect the first three days to be loud when you start holding it. That is the answer being tested.
Avoid this
- "Maybe later." The most expensive answer in the house. It means keep asking.
- Explaining the reasoning again, at length. They are not asking why. They are asking whether.
- Giving in at the point where you cannot take it any more. That teaches exactly how long to go.
If it repeats
If the asking has gone on for weeks, check whether the answer is actually fixed. Most of the time it is not: one adult holds, the other gives in on Fridays, and the child is right to keep checking. Agree on one slot with every adult in the house before you expect the asking to stop.
Why the book suggests this
Asking is not defiance. It is a small child checking whether the answer is a fixed feature of the day or something that moves. Every answer is data, and the one that teaches them to keep asking is the answer that came out differently on Tuesday.
This is why the twentieth ask is louder than the first. They are not wearing you down out of malice; they have learned that persistence sometimes changes the outcome. The volume drops when the answer stops being worth testing, not when they stop wanting it.
Related prepared situations
What happened next?
From this collection
Same Words: Every Screen
45 prepared situations in this family area.