Author’s practical guidance
Filming them instead of being with them
Source named in the book: RIE (Gerber)
The moments worth recording are exactly the moments worth being in, which is the whole difficulty.
Say this now
“I'm taking one picture. Then I'm putting it down.”
Bounded, said out loud, and then done.
“Do you want me to film this?”
A real question. Sometimes the answer is no.
Do this
- Take one and stop, rather than filming until the moment has finished.
- Ask them first once they are old enough to answer, and accept a no.
- Watch the rest with your own eyes — you will remember it better than the recording.
- Never record them distressed.
- Think about who sees it and whether they would choose that at fifteen.
Avoid this
- Filming the whole of something. Then you watched it through a screen too.
- "Do it again so I can get it." Now it is a performance and the first one is gone.
- Recording a meltdown or a bath. They cannot consent, and one day they will be able to.
If it repeats
If you find you have filmed a whole occasion, the fix is a rule rather than restraint. One picture at the start, then the device goes away for the rest. It is easier to keep than a decision made moment by moment.
Why the book suggests this
The moments worth recording are exactly the moments worth being in, which is the whole difficulty. While you are framing it your face is behind a device, and the person they wanted to show it to is the one person in the room who is not available.
There is also a child in this who is being recorded rather than asked. Small children are people who can be told what is happening and allowed to say no to it, and a child who is filmed often starts performing for the lens instead of doing the thing. That is a different activity, and it is a poorer one.
Related prepared situations
What happened next?
From this collection
Same Words: Every Screen
45 prepared situations in this family area.