Author’s practical guidance
Getting out of the bath
Source named in the book: RIE (Gerber) · Positive Discipline (Nelsen)
Getting into the bath and getting out of it are two different fights with two different causes.
Say this now
“Two more pours, then out. You count them.”
A countable ending works where a clock they cannot read does not.
“The towel is warm and it's waiting for you.”
Give them something to arrive at, not just something to leave.
Do this
- Warn once, up close — same four steps as every other transition.
- Make the ending countable: two more pours, one more song, the last boat.
- Warm the towel on the radiator. Cold is half the resistance.
- Let the water out together after they are on the mat — waving at the drain is a ritual, not a trick.
- Have the next thing ready so leaving the bath is a move toward something.
Avoid this
- Pulling the plug as a threat — it turns the ending into a punishment.
- "Five more minutes" repeated three times — the fourth one means nothing.
- Lifting a slippery, struggling child out without warning. Also genuinely unsafe.
If it repeats
If the fight is every night, the bath is probably too long. A short bath they leave calmly is worth more than twenty minutes that end in screaming. Try cutting it in half for a week and see what changes.
Why the book suggests this
Getting into the bath and getting out of it are two different fights with two different causes. Getting in is often sensory. Getting out is a transition — the same category as leaving the playground, with the added insult of cold air on a wet body.
There is also no natural ending in a bath. Water does not run out, a game does not finish. Without an ending built in, every exit feels arbitrary, and arbitrary is what a three-year-old fights.
Related prepared situations
What happened next?
From this collection
Same Words: Both Parents
45 prepared situations in this family area.