Author’s practical guidance
Getting out of bed again and again
Source named in the book: PCIT
Every trip out of bed earns something: a face, a voice, a reaction.
Say this now
(first time, warmly) "It's sleep time. I'm right here."
Warm once. The warmth belongs to the first return only.
(after that) "Bedtime."
One word, same word, quiet, every single time. Do not improve on it.
Do this
- Walk them back with as little talk, light and eye contact as possible.
- Boring is the whole method — not coldness, just an absence of anything interesting.
- Expect two worse nights before it gets better.
- Don't start a conversation at the door, however good the question is.
- Praise it in the morning: "You stayed in your bed. That's big."
Avoid this
- "GO BACK TO BED!" — loud is exciting, and excitement is the opposite of sleep.
- Long explanations at nine in the evening.
- A different response each time — it turns bedtime into a slot machine.
If it repeats
Check the cause before the technique: bedtime too early, screens too late, or simply missing you. Ten minutes of undivided attention before the bath does more than any rule at the bedroom door.
Why the book suggests this
Every trip out of bed earns something: a face, a voice, a reaction. Even an irritated adult at the door is contact, and contact is what the child came for. What gets attention gets repeated — the most reliable rule in this book, working against you.
It is also worth knowing that the tenth trip is rarely about the same thing as the first. The first is often a genuine need. By the fourth it is a game whose rules you are teaching in real time.
From this collection
Same Words: Both Parents
45 prepared situations in this family area.