Author’s practical guidance
"I'm not tired" while rubbing their eyes
Source named in the book: sleep pressure and self-report in young children (Sadeh)
They are not lying to you.
Say this now
“You don't have to feel tired. It's sleep time anyway.”
Separates the fact from the feeling. The clock decides, and you have not called them wrong.
“You can lie down and not sleep. Your body will do the rest.”
Asks for something they can actually deliver, so there is nothing left to refuse.
Do this
- Stop arguing about tiredness and talk about what happens next instead.
- Let them keep small choices — which pajamas, which story, which side of the pillow.
- Keep lights low from the start of the routine, so the room says what you are not saying.
- Tell them what you will be doing and how boring it will be.
- Say the same closing line every night — ending the day the same way makes it less of an event.
Avoid this
- "Look at you, you can barely keep your eyes open." — they will prove you wrong, and they have the energy to do it.
- Debating it — the only way to win is for them to admit something they cannot feel.
- "Fine, stay up then." — a bluff you have to take back, and they will remember it.
If it repeats
If they take a long time to fall asleep most nights, look at what the day did to the evening: a late nap, a car sleep at five or a bedtime that moved. Change one at a time and give it two weeks.
Why the book suggests this
They are not lying to you. Sadeh's studies compared what families report about sleep with what movement recording shows, and the two often disagree. Sleep pressure builds without arriving as a feeling a young child can name, so the honest report is that nothing is wrong.
What they can feel is the offer. Bed means the day is over and you are leaving. Any child would argue with that, and the argument is about the offer rather than the tiredness.
From this collection
Same Words: Every Night
45 prepared situations in this family area.